All I need to know in life I learned from my horse

[Elaine]

* When in doubt, run far, far away.
* You can never have too many treats.
* Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
* New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
* Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
* Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
* Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
* Heaven is eating at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
* Eat plenty of roughage.
* Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
* When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
* In times of crisis, take a poop.
* Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
* Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
* A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
* Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

[Liz Garland]

;DA horse doesn't care how much you know until he knows how much you care

[Jane]

Got this off Mule Skinners!


You Know You’re A Real Horse Person When...

•You realize finding a horseshoe truly is lucky because you've saved ten bucks.
•Every time you drive past a construction site, you think what nice jumps the barricades would make.
•You consider a golf course as a waste of good pastureland.
•You pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.
•When your six year old tells everyone that he's going to be the "ring steward" at your aunt's wedding!
•You're seriously considering an even trade of your 1998 Buick for a 1986 Diesel crew cab dually pickup truck.
•Your friends no longer ask to get together with you on a weekend afternoon because they know you'll say -- "I can't, I have a show/penning/rodeo/trail ride."
•You dress like a lawyer on weekdays, & someone who needs a lawyer on your days off.
•You'll drive an hour in a snowstorm to ride your horse, but God forbid you have to drive 5 minutes to the store to buy groceries.
•You buy duct tape by the case, & carry a roll in your purse, your briefcase, and the console of your car.
•Your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife complains that you love your horse more than him/her & you say, "And your point is?"
•Your someone does something nice for you & you say, Good boy, and pat him on the neck.
•You're trying to get by someone in a restricted space, & instead of saying, "excuse me", you poke them in the ribs & say, "get over".
•Your horse gets new shoes more often than you.
•You get to the point where flies don't bug you anymore.
•Your Mother, who has no grandchildren, gets cards addressed to Grandma, signed by the horses & the dog.
•You see the vet more than your child's pediatrician.
•You clean tack after every ride, but never ever wash your car.
•On rainy days, you organize the tack room but not the house.
•You stop channel surfing at the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
•You have more pictures of your horse in your locker/office that you have of your family.
•When going up a hill, you cluck to your car.
•You pay more for a saddle than you did for your car!
•Your horses' mane and tail look better than your hair does.
•Your tack box isn't in your car, it IS your car.
•Your evening attire is clean jeans, an old T-shirt and mucking boots.
•A fly lands on your leg you stomp your foot instead of swatting it.
•You say you are going to muck out your room.
•You find hay in your bathtub, horse treats scattered around the house, horsehair on your work clothes, & hoof shaped bruises on your feet!
•You are sick & you say you're going to see the vet.
•You have the vet's number but not the kid's pediatrician on your speed dial.
•Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin.
•Your nice clothes are the ones without horsehair all over them.
•You are excited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are disappointed when you realize they mean the bridal shop.
•Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room.
•You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the barn.
•Only horsepeople would spend hundreds of dollars on a show for a 95 cent ribbon
•You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food...
•You know you're a horse AND dog person when you don't mind throwing frozen manure balls for the barn's goldie to fetch!
•Someone says, "does anyone have a screwdriver?" & you hand them a hoofpick.
•The real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for & you say "More than six acres".
•You find yourself analyzing leg and foot conformation on your friends, & thinking how corrective shoeing could improve their way of going.
•You run your tongue over your back molars & idly wonder if they need to be floated.
•You can find your boots in the dark by the manure aroma.
•You drive up in the yard, get out of the car & inhale the perfume of the manure pile.
•You don't notice the barn smells on your clothing & wonder why "regular" folks are sniffing the air.
•Your first sign of spring is not seeing a robin, but seeing a fly.
•You go to the gas station & ask the attendant to check the "off hind" (& you know you're in horse country when the young man immediately walks to the right rear tire!)
•Your car is the only one in the company parking lot that has an inch of dust INSIDE & when you open the door, a swarm of flies emerges.
•Your mother has a run in the bottom of her hose & you tell her she has a split hoof.
•You teach your little brother to skip by getting him to "canter", then "switch leads" until he's doing one-tempi flying changes (skipping!)
•When your husband walks into the bedroom & sees you wearing your underwear & tall black boots & his only comment is "Oh, did the new boots finally arrive?"
•Your motto is "baling twine will fix anything".
•You clean a horse's sheath & don't hurl.
•You buy about 15 lbs. of carrots a week, but wouldn't eat a carrot if somebody paid you.
•Your non-horsy friend gives you a funny look after glancing into the back seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs.
•You say "whoa" to the dog.
•You know you're a horse person when you buy land & decide to build the barn before the house so your horses have a place to stay. Then you move into the barn yourself & forget about the house.
•I was gonna say "the horses get fed first." but around my house it's "the horses are the only ones that get fed by me. Kids fend for themselves."
•You save the hoof shavings for the dog.
•You have the worming, lesson & farriers schedules in your head, but frequently miss the kid's piano lessons, girl scouts or changing the oil in the car.
•You yell at the kids & the horse's name pops out.
•You use the house-hunting trip your new employer provides to figure out where you will board your horse.
•You often sneak furtively into Laundromats & pretend that you really didn't just put that stinky, filthy horse blanket into the comforter-sized machine.
•You go to the museum with a non-horsy friend and, whilst wandering through the ancient bronzes, suddenly realize he is asking exasperatedly, 'Well? What about the conformation on this one?"
•ALL of your pockets have hay in them.
•You have a small knife on your key chain (and you're a woman)
•You buy more carrots & apples than you can possibly eat.
•You plan corn on the cob for dinner just so you can feed the cobs to your horses for a treat.
•The highlight of your day is working with your horses & your SO works by your side cuz it’s the highlight of his day too.
•You leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache, & all those feelings disappear the minute you go through the first gate to the ranch.
•You drive up in the yard, get out of the car and inhale the perfume of the manure pile.
•You talk to the horses like they were kids.
•You have a terrible fall off your horse & your only concern is if the horse is okay. (And when you get dragged into the hospital, you have a hairline fracture in your leg.)
•You don't try to figure out your to-date expenses for the critters, cuz you don't want to know & it doesn't really matter anyway.
•You get out of your warm bed at 3:00 AM, and go outside to let the horses in cuz it's snowing. If that's not enough, you scrape off the snow, and even dry them off a little, before going back to bed. (Only to leave for work at 6, and see them back outside, with 2 inches of snow piled on their backs. No, *that* won't happen again.)
•You aren't interested in watching the news, but have to, in order to catch the weather, so you know if the barn needs to be left open for the horses.
•Supper time is generally at 8PM & everyone has been home since before 5.
•You RUSH to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the pasture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. Good, clean fun!
•You'd rather stay up with a friend's sick horse than baby-sit her kids BUT you will baby-sit a friend's kids while she stays up with a sick horse, even though you HATE babysitting.
•You know you're a horse person when a new friend walks in your door for the first time. Takes a smell and says with a smile, "I didn't know you had horses."
•You are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as a gift. "They really care!!!"
•You get knocked down & split your lip wide open on the horses halter because you were doing something you KNOW you shouldn't have been doing & with blood running down your face your first concern is making sure the horse is alright, calmed down, & put in his stall. Then you go to the hospital for stitches.
•Every time you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours & you can't imagine where the time went.
•When you are down and depressed & you go and talk to your best friend; YOUR HORSE.
•You live hand to mouth & somehow come up with the $800 for emergency vet bills.
•Your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles, halters, blanket racks, trunks, trophies & ribbons.
•There are bits soaking in your bathroom sink.
•You save every horse magazine you have ever bought.
•Your baby shower gifts include a fleece seat saver.
•You do stalls the morning before your labor is to be induced.