Post by Elaine on Jun 27, 2012 17:19:40 GMT
Excerpted from real horse classified advertisements, complete with typos and spelling and grammar errors. Believe us, we couldn’t make up something this funny!
Why It Pays to Read the Entire Ad
Grey Horse $575.00 (7 hands high, good roping horse, collagens, kid broke)
“He is broke to death…needs an intermediate rider with a good seat as occasionally he can move fast”
“Hasn't been shown due to me having too many to show…will consider full trade for a WP QH mare no older than 10 ready or just about ready to show”
“very tall… sadly out grown”
“Would make a great project for a youg rider…afraid of people because he has been beet so he has trust problems”
“Good on trails and for pleasure. My six year old can ride him…Needs some training”
“My spouse cannot ride him because of time restraints. We are looking for a yearling to train”
His Name is “Lucky”
“She has cataract in one eye from an old eye injury as a baby, but can see shadows and it doesn't affect her”
“He has slight arthritis in his front knees…also blind in his left eye but he has been that way for so long that it does not bother him”
“Has a lump on keen form getting kick”
“Her eyes run all the time and the skin gets really swollen and red at times, the vet has me putting eye drops in when it gets bad, which helps some, but their is no cure apparently”
“Had foot injury as 3 yr old, and has been recovering in pasture since” (horse is turning 7)
Unusual Skills
“Would watch a cow
“Rides by himself"
“Will ride in the car for hundreds of miles with no problems”
“Floats in reverse”
“Gives hugs”
“Lounges obediently on and off line”
“Has been helping doctor cattle”
“Folds up and moves off leg”
“Has been ridden bareback at night”
"He has already proved to be more than just five gaited"
There’s a Slight Catch
“Was giving kids rides when I bought him…was told he drives. BUT: when I got him home found he is afraid of people, in general”
“When he wants to, he has a nice slow jog with a good head set”
“Groundwork improving greatly, can still be stubborn under saddle”
“Does not tie, will stand for patient farrier only”
“She is very nervous with the vet, she has had to sedate her to examine her every time”
“A good boy, BUT, can be a naughty pony at times”
d**ned with Faint Praise
“Not mean at all”
“Shoers say he has good hoofs for a T.B.”
“May have seen some barrels once upon a time”
“Just shown…got two 5ths in two classes”
“Isn't at all nasty”
“Probably going to be worth breeding, if you are inclinded”
“I do not eat much”
“Good eater”
Good Luck Getting The Papers
“I've been told that she may also be eligible for registration”
“Has AQHA papers which I am trying to get from previous owner”
“Is registerable, I was waiting to send in her papers, hoping more color would come of her”
“Sells without papers but could be transferred later as a registered mare”
“4yr old grade paint gelding…can be APHA registered”
“I have his APHA reg. papers but have not yet sent them in.
What Are They Trying to Tell Us?
“These horse are raised on the rocks”
“Born at 11:37 pm.the night of April 1. That night there was a Red Fire 1/2 moon out”
Euphemisms
“Not for the beginner handler as she is fully aware of how special she is”
“A smidge cow-hocked”
Unusual Appearance
“Bay with a little snow on his butt”
“BULLSEYE!! thats what my butt looks like”
“Bay, with some black…winter coat: hard to tell”
“god bone and muscle”
Wishful Thinking
“Going to make an excellent trail horse once he is started under saddle”
“Her 1/2 sister won the state of NV…so here's your opportunity to pick up a winner too”
“It is rumored that a brother is placing 4ths and 5ths”
“My horse show judge friend thinks she's a fantastic mare”
“Would make nice trail riding horse as appears to have comfortable gates”
Weird Reasons for Selling
“I don't want to live with my owner anymore because I think she is discriminating against me because I'm a paint horse”
“Belongs to my 2nd family who has no time for him anymore”
“Too many boy horses are fighting!” (horses advertised are geldings, not stallions)
Why It Pays to Read the Entire Ad
Grey Horse $575.00 (7 hands high, good roping horse, collagens, kid broke)
“He is broke to death…needs an intermediate rider with a good seat as occasionally he can move fast”
“Hasn't been shown due to me having too many to show…will consider full trade for a WP QH mare no older than 10 ready or just about ready to show”
“very tall… sadly out grown”
“Would make a great project for a youg rider…afraid of people because he has been beet so he has trust problems”
“Good on trails and for pleasure. My six year old can ride him…Needs some training”
“My spouse cannot ride him because of time restraints. We are looking for a yearling to train”
His Name is “Lucky”
“She has cataract in one eye from an old eye injury as a baby, but can see shadows and it doesn't affect her”
“He has slight arthritis in his front knees…also blind in his left eye but he has been that way for so long that it does not bother him”
“Has a lump on keen form getting kick”
“Her eyes run all the time and the skin gets really swollen and red at times, the vet has me putting eye drops in when it gets bad, which helps some, but their is no cure apparently”
“Had foot injury as 3 yr old, and has been recovering in pasture since” (horse is turning 7)
Unusual Skills
“Would watch a cow
“Rides by himself"
“Will ride in the car for hundreds of miles with no problems”
“Floats in reverse”
“Gives hugs”
“Lounges obediently on and off line”
“Has been helping doctor cattle”
“Folds up and moves off leg”
“Has been ridden bareback at night”
"He has already proved to be more than just five gaited"
There’s a Slight Catch
“Was giving kids rides when I bought him…was told he drives. BUT: when I got him home found he is afraid of people, in general”
“When he wants to, he has a nice slow jog with a good head set”
“Groundwork improving greatly, can still be stubborn under saddle”
“Does not tie, will stand for patient farrier only”
“She is very nervous with the vet, she has had to sedate her to examine her every time”
“A good boy, BUT, can be a naughty pony at times”
d**ned with Faint Praise
“Not mean at all”
“Shoers say he has good hoofs for a T.B.”
“May have seen some barrels once upon a time”
“Just shown…got two 5ths in two classes”
“Isn't at all nasty”
“Probably going to be worth breeding, if you are inclinded”
“I do not eat much”
“Good eater”
Good Luck Getting The Papers
“I've been told that she may also be eligible for registration”
“Has AQHA papers which I am trying to get from previous owner”
“Is registerable, I was waiting to send in her papers, hoping more color would come of her”
“Sells without papers but could be transferred later as a registered mare”
“4yr old grade paint gelding…can be APHA registered”
“I have his APHA reg. papers but have not yet sent them in.
What Are They Trying to Tell Us?
“These horse are raised on the rocks”
“Born at 11:37 pm.the night of April 1. That night there was a Red Fire 1/2 moon out”
Euphemisms
“Not for the beginner handler as she is fully aware of how special she is”
“A smidge cow-hocked”
Unusual Appearance
“Bay with a little snow on his butt”
“BULLSEYE!! thats what my butt looks like”
“Bay, with some black…winter coat: hard to tell”
“god bone and muscle”
Wishful Thinking
“Going to make an excellent trail horse once he is started under saddle”
“Her 1/2 sister won the state of NV…so here's your opportunity to pick up a winner too”
“It is rumored that a brother is placing 4ths and 5ths”
“My horse show judge friend thinks she's a fantastic mare”
“Would make nice trail riding horse as appears to have comfortable gates”
Weird Reasons for Selling
“I don't want to live with my owner anymore because I think she is discriminating against me because I'm a paint horse”
“Belongs to my 2nd family who has no time for him anymore”
“Too many boy horses are fighting!” (horses advertised are geldings, not stallions)